Evie playing with her daddy - 02/04/11

Slacking...

So it has been awhile since I last wrote.  Not intentionally, just haven't felt like talking. 

I do think I have made the decision to change Evie to formula during the day and stick with breastfeeding just in the evenings.  I enjoy the bond that we have through breastfeeding, but the pumping is a pain.  I am proud of myself for going this long and I am not stopping completely.  But I think that it will help me regain some of my freedom.  That is really a terrible way to word that because I feel honored to be able to provide for my daughter in this way, but I find myself stressing over whether I am able to produce enough and making sure to pump every 3 hours while at work.  Is that a cop-out?  It shouldn't be, because any exposure to breastmilk has benefits over nothing at all and there has to be a time to move on to the next stage.  But I still have that feeling that I am just being lazy.  Hmmph, you would think that as hard as I am on myself sometimes that I would have a rock hard body and accomplish everything I set my mind to.  Nope. 

Funny (wierd, not haha), that reminds me when I was about 17 and I wrecked my car while going to a party that I wasn't supposed to (well my parents didn't know about it) and I think my mom and dad took it easy on me because I was so disappointed in myself already. 

I think I have these feelings because they help me appreciate a job well done.  I just need to focus more on being positive and less on being negative.  No more Debbie Downer!!

Will I be pretty...?

Wow!  I found this on a post from a http://www.babycenter.com/ user, it gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.  Such passion, if only I could go back and understand this way back when, growing up, always wondering if, well, if I was going to be pretty.  Not by any fault of my mother or father, it was just an insecurity I bore on my own.  Thank you to Kate Makkai, this poem is inspiring.

Closet cleaning

Just for the record this is not a post about skeletons or coming out or going in to the closet, but I just want to share that cleaning out my closet last night was more fun than I thought.  Also, it did a swell job of re-affirming how insecure I am about myself, but that's a different post altogether. 

I have needed to go through my closet since before I was pregnant with Evie.  I suppose I'm glad I waited because as some mothers know (not those mothers that seem to be able to have no physical change whatsoever postpartum, you make me sick with jealousy!!!-!) my body has changed and my clothing is fitting differently.  So in making the effort to embrace this new saggy body of mine (that doesn't sound positive at all), and trying even harder to look at the bright side that only I can change the way I look and feel about myself, I tried on just about everything on and to my surprise it didn't end up with me crying into my pillow about never eating again and then devouring a couple or ten Oreo cookies thinking to myself, I'm starting the diet tomorrow.  :)  No, instead, my sweet Pauliboy stood there and waited for me while he helped sort and give his opinion on nearly everything.  I would probably be correct to say that there aren't many men out there that would do that for their women, but my Paul did.  Right on, Lover man!!!

So now I have room in my closet (not to be replaced with new stuff too soon) and money in my pocket since I basically have an all (not that) new wardrobe.  :)

PS I should have taken before and after pictures, but I'm not that with it on the blogging/documenting.  I guess that is saved for the Evie stuff.  :)

What a great weekend!!!

Man, this weekend was great!  Busy, but nonetheless, great.  Did I mention it was great?? 

A good friend of ours has comeback into our lives.  What a pleasure it was to get started on catching up on laughs and visiting. Paul's company had an Employee Appreciation party at the Hard Rock Casino Friday night - finger foods, good company, and a table covered in candies = great time!

I chuckled my way through my weekend project of cleaning out the pantry drawers and cabinet.  Really made me wonder if I thought I was going to starve at some point.  All those expired canned goods that I threw out...wasteful.  But that's what I am trying to remedy.  I have to start somewhere I suppose.  :)

Evie and I went over to my parents' house on Saturday evening while Paul was at the TU Homecoming.  We certainly enjoyed ourselves there too.  If there is anyone else other than Paul that I love to watch Evie interact with its my mom.  I'm not sure why, I guess maybe it's that unconditional love that my mom and I have shared and now I know what both sides feel like.  Plus, she told me that being a grandma is that feeling times 50! 

Yeah, we're both cheesin' in this picture

Yesterday, some friends came over for dinner and that was a great time too!  Yes I know I sound like a broken record, but it was a gre...oh...fantastic weekend.  :)

Separation Anxiety :(

I just want to say how sad it makes me to be away from Evie-girl everyday!  :( I wish I could just carry her around in a little baby bjorn and we could smile and coo at each other and her momma would be the happiest lady in the land.  :)




 



The true meaning of sweet baby blues :)

 


Look at my strong girl up on her elbows!!

All photos in this post are from Sherri Scarpa Photography, like what you see?  Contact her at (918) 688-6644 or photographyxss@gmail.com

define apologize

apologize

verb say sorry, express regret, ask forgiveness, make an apology, beg pardon, say you are sorry. "He apologized to those who had been affected."

Collins Thesaurus of the English Language – Complete and Unabridged 2nd Edition.

I just wanted to post the definition of the word apologize on here because it seems to me that it is one of those words that is a get out of jail free card, or for that matter, not thrown around at all.  I have always tried to make it a point that if I have to say "I'm sorry" for something, that it is not only a way of expressing regret but a way of stating that I will try my damndest not to repeat said act.  On the other end of the spectrum, I find it funny (weird-funny, not funny-ha ha) the number of adults that find it okay to not apologize at all.  Just go on like nothing was ever said, the other person will get over it.  We make our kids do it, why wouldn't you make yourself step up to the plate and do it??  I guess what I'm trying to say is, mean it when you say it, and say it when you're s'pose too.  Everyone would be a lot happier and content with the world.  :)  Thank you, that's my worthless wisdom for the day.  :))

 



Let's finish up with a sweet picture of Babygirl! <3