So it has been awhile since I last wrote. Not intentionally, just haven't felt like talking.
I do think I have made the decision to change Evie to formula during the day and stick with breastfeeding just in the evenings. I enjoy the bond that we have through breastfeeding, but the pumping is a pain. I am proud of myself for going this long and I am not stopping completely. But I think that it will help me regain some of my freedom. That is really a terrible way to word that because I feel honored to be able to provide for my daughter in this way, but I find myself stressing over whether I am able to produce enough and making sure to pump every 3 hours while at work. Is that a cop-out? It shouldn't be, because any exposure to breastmilk has benefits over nothing at all and there has to be a time to move on to the next stage. But I still have that feeling that I am just being lazy. Hmmph, you would think that as hard as I am on myself sometimes that I would have a rock hard body and accomplish everything I set my mind to. Nope.
Funny (wierd, not haha), that reminds me when I was about 17 and I wrecked my car while going to a party that I wasn't supposed to (well my parents didn't know about it) and I think my mom and dad took it easy on me because I was so disappointed in myself already.
I think I have these feelings because they help me appreciate a job well done. I just need to focus more on being positive and less on being negative. No more Debbie Downer!!